


Really I’m Afraid

by heckinamanda



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M, it's also a 3x13 fic!!, just two boys… on a basketball court…, one is a lil angry… one is perhaps… Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 11:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18179807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heckinamanda/pseuds/heckinamanda
Summary: Cyrus goes to the basketball court for an explanation.





	Really I’m Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> woohoo!! 3x13 fic!! the title of which is borrowed from the song had it all by parachute. I've been listening to it sO MUCH after the last episode because it's a very good angsty tyrus song from tj's pov
> 
> anyways, this won't be my last 3x13 fic either!! I have two others planned in my head so who knows maybe I'll write both or just one, we'll see! I hope you enjoy whatever I put out nonetheless. <3

It had been about three weeks since costume day, as well as the last time Cyrus spoke to TJ. He didn’t have anything to say to him. Well, he did, but he didn’t feel like talking.

But it seemed as though TJ didn’t feel like it either. This wasn’t like the whole Reed mishap a few months back when he wouldn’t stop texting or calling. In fact, the only message Cyrus got from him at all this time was a simple _hey_ the next day that he never responded to. Then nothing.

Despite all of this, he found himself wondering. Wondering why TJ chose Kira over him, why he didn’t call that morning, why he was dumb enough to believe that TJ could be different from anyone else, and why he was currently walking to the basketball court in the park.

To fix things, maybe? But nothing was necessarily broken. Then again maybe things were, he didn’t know. He’s just going to find TJ for an explanation at the very least.

As he approached the basketball court, he found the aforementioned boy. He was slowly dribbling some worn ball on the concrete by himself.

Cyrus coughed, making him look up from his dragging feet. “Hey.”

“Cyrus, I—” TJ looked panicked if nothing else. “Good to see you.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” he said, awkwardly adjusting his grip on his book bag strap.

Several moments of silence passed before TJ shook himself slightly. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you said that,” he pointed out.

“Right… Well, I meant it,” TJ turned the basketball around a couple of times in his hands. “So, why are you here? Not that I don’t want you to be, because I do bu—”

“TJ,” Cyrus cut him off. “I feel like you know why I’m here.”

He watched him shift uncomfortably, suddenly holding the basketball like it would protect him from whatever comes next.

“So we’re gonna talk about it?”

“I’d hope so,” he said sarcastically. “We haven’t talked for like, three weeks.”

“I was—”

“Gonna call,” he finished. “Right?”

TJ looked down at the ball. “Right.”

“Well, you didn’t,” he said.

“I know, I _know_ ,” TJ dropped the ball. “But I did text you.”

“You said hey,” Cyrus walked onto the court. “What, did you think we could just drop it and move on?”

“I mean, kind of—no—I had _hoped_ ,” TJ tried to amalgamate some explanation. “I wanted things to be normal.”

He shook his head. “Things _aren’t_ normal.”

“Maybe it could’ve been,” TJ shrugged weakly. “You didn’t respond.”

“Because I wanted to talk to you in person.”

“Then why did you wait so long?” TJ asked. There wasn’t a hint of an argument in his voice, but Cyrus felt challenged—almost intimidated by his calmness.

“I wanted—I don’t know,” he said. “I wasn’t ready to talk to you. But I am now.”

TJ furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I’m not.”

The edge that TJ used to have came back for a moment as he picked up his basketball and turned around. He was planning to leave again instead of facing his problems— _their_ problems.

Cyrus grabbed his wrist. “I’m not letting you leave without telling me what happened.”

He let go of his wrist as he turned back around.

“Don—”

“You don’t even know Kira and yet you chose _her_ over _me_ , over _your_ costume idea that I got excited for,” he cut him off, angry over what could’ve been and what was instead. “And I put a surprising amount of effort into the salt costume. It took forever to convince my mom to let me use her pasta strainer.”

__

__

“Cyrus—” 

“Did you even want to do it with me? Or was I another last resort?” He thought back to all of the times that he came second best to his friends. 

“Plea—” 

“It was personal to _us_ and I thought—I thought we were…” he backed up for a second. All of his sadness and anger and grief was spilling out onto TJ. “I thought we were friends.” 

“We _are_ friends,” TJ said. He put his hand on Cyrus’ shoulder for a mere second before the latter emphatically pulled away. 

“ _Don’t_.” 

It felt like ice formed where TJ’s fingers had barely touched down, enveloping both of his already cold shoulders. 

“I—” TJ kept his hands stiff by his sides. “I’m sorry.” 

“It seems like you’re sorry for a lot of things,” he mumbled. “Just… Give me an explanation already. I want to get this over with.” 

“I wanted to—I was gonna do the costume with you, I promise,” TJ said. “I’m really _really_ sorry. Kira got into my head.” 

He rolled his eyes. “How? What possible influence could she have on you?” 

TJ wouldn’t look at him. “She just…” 

“She just what, TJ?” 

“She said something to me,” TJ mumbled. He kept his eyes on the ground. “She made me feel like we shouldn’t… Do the costume together.” 

“And you listened?” Cyrus scoffed. “Why did I even—whatever, I’m going home.” 

“No, please,” now TJ was the one grabbing Cyrus’ wrist. “ _Please_ don’t go. I want to tell you, I really do.” 

“I shouldn’t have come at all,” he said. “I don’t know why I thought you’d have any good reason to—” 

“Cyrus,” TJ looked at him. It looked as if tears had replaced his eyes altogether. “I am so, _so_ scared.” 

All of the ice frozen across Cyrus suddenly melted away. 

“TJ,” he moved closer to him, voice soft for the first time today. “What happened?” 

“I didn’t want to tell you then,” TJ’s voice broke. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey,” he put his hands on his shoulders. “Talk to me.” 

“I couldn’t—she made me feel weird, guilty or something,” TJ admitted. “Like I shouldn’t do a costume with _you_ instead of her.” 

Cyrus hung onto every word he said, frantically piecing it together until the puzzle came into full view. 

“You mean… Me,” he gestured to himself. “A boy.” 

TJ looked away again, nodding slowly. 

“Look at me,” Cyrus moved his face with his hand. “You don’t have to feel bad about that. It’s okay, no one would’ve thought anyth—” 

“Yes, they would have,” TJ laughed weakly through the tears. “They already do.” 

“And what about it? Who cares what other people think when you already know who you are?” 

“But I can’t—I can’t risk losing you again and I don’t wanna… Lose you over _this_ ,” TJ blubbered. “I’m gay and I’m sorry if—” 

“Don’t you _ever_ apologize for that,” he moved both of his hands to hold TJ’s cheeks. “It could never change our friendship unless you let it, I promise you.” 

He left out the _I’m gay too_ despite crossing his mind because helping TJ was his priority right now. Comfort now, come out later. 

TJ distracted him from his thoughts by flopping his arms around him and burying his face in his shoulder as much as he could. 

“I won’t let it,” he said, muffled in between Cyrus’ sleeve and his croaky voice. “Never again.” 

“Good,” Cyrus rubbed the space between his shoulder blades. “But more importantly, I hope you never doubt yourself because of it again. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.” 

TJ tightened his grip. 

“There are millions of people experiencing this in different ways. Even close to you,” he continued. “You’re no different from anyone else.” 

TJ moved his hand to Cyrus’ hair. 

“And no one that matters is ever going to think less of you,” he said. “I sure don’t.” 

Cyrus could feel him catching his breath. 

“Thank you,” was all he said. 

“You’re welcome,” Cyrus pulled out of the hug and grabbed TJ’s arm, slinging it around his own shoulders the way he usually has it. “Now can we _please_ go? I have an extra large bag of cheese puffs and lonely ping pong table waiting at my house if you’re interested.” 

TJ smiled, wiping some of the wetness off his cheek with his free hand. “I’m interested.” 

Cyrus smiled back at him before they left the concrete basketball court. He was glad to have his explaination, and even more glad that it wasn’t something they couldn’t recover from—as if there were anything in the world that could keep these two from finding their way back to each other. 


End file.
